Christmas is upon us! And Christmas makes everybody act strange, so to prevent further confusion I put them into 8 stereotypes.
The 8 people during Christmas
The 8 people during Christmas
1. The one who’s really into Christmas
If you didn’t notice we entered the most wonderful time of the year then, this person definitely reminded you. This jolly guy or gal loves Christmas and they need to share the love. That’s why they already have 36 Christmas related statuses on Facebook and send you a ‘happy holidays’ e-card.
Favorite activities include: Singing Christmas songs (and they know all the words, which is like basically impossible), talking about Christmas, talking about all the presents they are going to receive this Christmas (because that’s what Christmas is all about), watching those Christmas movies everybody else is sick of because we watch them every year and eating all the Christmas themed snacks.
Favorite hangouts: Santa’s lap.
This person should watch out for: Angry people who are fed up with the singing and might stick a Christmas stocking down their throat.
2. The one who plans (a lot!)
Did you buy all your Christmas presents yet? No of course not! Because technically it’s not even Christmas, it’s December. But this well-organized little elf already bought everything in November, just to be sure. Christmas must be perfect and perfect takes practice… and planning, lots and lots of planning. This person is typically the proud owner of some kind of calendar and knows they are baking cookies December 21st
Favorite activities include: Being super stressed all the time, yelling out loud, “THERE ISN’T ENOUGH TIME”, writing stuff down, overbooking their calendar, shouting at people for being relaxed, trying to pre-cook the Christmas meal and already preparing for new year’s.
Favorite hangout: This is probably not the person you’ll find “hanging out”.
This person should watch out for: A Christmas meltdown.
3. The one who might as well be called Scrooge
“Bah Humbug!” is probably your catchphrase and if you were one of the seven dwarfs we would call you Grumpy during this time of year. This person hates Christmas, hates the songs, the food, the people collecting for charity, all of it! You do not want to wish this person a merry Christmas, they might just sue you on the grounds of everything un-jolly.
Favorite activities include: Counting their enormous pile of money (that they will not be spending this year), trying to convince people Christmas is a bad idea, interrupting people singing Christmas songs, drinking to forget their sorrows and repressing the urge to sing along to “last Christmas” (I don’t care how much you hate Christmas, you can’t not want to sing along).
Favorite hangouts: Their cold dark mansion.
This person should watch out for: The spirits of Christmas past, Christmas present and Christmas future.
4. The one who dreads Christmas
Better known as, the one who is completely broke. Christmas, you’re not fooling anyone with your homemade cookies and Christmas spirit, you’re MEGA expensive and if I didn’t love you I wouldn’t be paying. Sadly, this person spend all their money on… life, probably, and is now sprinting all over town to make Christmas happen.
Favorite activities include: Eating with friends, arts and crafts (Rule #1 for the penniless who are still required to give presents: If you can’t buy it, make it), rampaging through grandma’s storage facility (Rule #2: If you can’t buy it, borrow it from grandma), desperately trying to get a holiday job and trying to convince family members that, Christmas presents doesn’t matter.
Favorite hangouts: The pawnshop.
This person should watch out for: A Christmas miracle, this might be your year.
5. The one who’s really into the traditions
Christmas used to be so much better, much more Christmassy. This person is trying to bring back the glory days of Christmas. This means, the following month will probably resemble the 1800-something a lot. Itchy sweaters, questionable foods and storybooks with no pictures will definitely be part of this Christmas.
Favorite activities include: Baking, caroling, wrapping presents, inviting friends and family to very classy Christmas events, finding old recipes, knitting, during charity, putting on Christmas plays (writing, producing and starring themselves), sending out holiday cards and wishing people a very merry Christmas.
Favorite hangouts: In front of a big fire reading a Christmas classic.
This person should watch out for: Any form of technology shattering this old-timey illusion they’ve created for themselves.
6. The one who doesn't celebrate Christmas
Fun fact: Many people do not celebrate Christmas.
Favorite activities include: staying away from the way too crowded malls, answering the question, “why don’t you celebrate Christmas” or “isn’t it horrible not to celebrate Christmas” and getting on with their lives.
Favorite hangouts: Anywhere someone didn’t hit the replay button on “Jingle Bell rocks”.
This person should watch out for: Santa. If he gets confused and goes down your chimney, you should probably be there to tell him he’s in the wrong house.
7. The one who won’t celebrate Christmas
This person used to celebrate Christmas. They just don’t anymore. It was probably when they joined some cool new cult-thing or they realized that Christmas is just some capitalistic scheme. Anyway, now they have been saved and they are trying to save you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be saved (you might be happy about this materialistic holiday), but they’ll preach to you while eating their tofu duck anyway.
Favorite activities include: Talking about how much they don’t need Christmas (but presents would still be nice), making organic Christmas decorations, not eating meat, looking at you judgingly, reassuring people Santa is definitely not real (in case he might have been real before, he is DEFINITELY not real now), talking about how much better they feel after boycotting Christmas and feeling really good about themselves.
Favorite hangouts: Anywhere they can find people high on Christmas joy to lecture.
This person should watch out for: Santa Claus giving them an ass-kicking for ruining Christmas for everybody else. And coal in their hemp stockings.
8. The one who forgets Christmas
This is the poor fool you see on December 24th, desperately trying to find something reasonable to pass off as presents… to all their friends and family. This person totally forgot about Christmas and has not remembered it the entire month. Sure, they might have noticed someone mumbling “merry Christmas” and wondered why they were playing Christmas songs on the radio, but they never combined the clues and figured Christmas might be near.
Favorite activities include: Hibernating (because only if you were asleep would you be able to miss Christmas completely), being hit with a really big bat (a concussion is also a passable excuse for forgetting Christmas).
Favorite hangouts: They probably wouldn’t remember.
This person should watch out for: Anything that could damage their head further (like potted plants falling from 2nd floors or low hanging lamps)